If I had one wish...

I've been thinking about it a lot lately, and if I had only one wish, I'd wish for acceptance of things as they are, no matter what. I'd wish for no resistance to the circumstances of life because I believe that is the root of happiness and inner peace. I'm unhappy with several things in my life, not because they are so bad, but because I want something else, and I'm fighting against the situation as it is.

If I had a second wish, I'd wish to win the lottery...a big one...at least $100 million. Then I could hang out, travel, start a business if I wanted to. I'd give some away, take care of friends and family. If I had a third wish, I'd wish for Prince Charming to appear. These two really are a toss up, but I guess I believe it's easier to find love than money, so I might be able to find the Prince even with the money. If I had a fourth wish, I'd wish for world peace.

So, there you have my priorities- inner peace, money, love, and world peace.

Life is Funny

So, I was reading a friend's blog today and felt inspired to write in my own. Thanks to my version of OCD, I had to go back and read my old posts as well as another friend's blog I hadn't looked at in a while. I had a few thoughts.

First, I guess we all struggle. That seems like such an obvious thing to say, but I forget a lot and find a lot of people don't talk about it. Personally, I want to be perfect. I think I shouldn't struggle. Life should be balanced and happy and fun and productive and reasonable and rational all the time, but alas, it seems it's not always like that. Some of my friends call is seasons. I like that. I've always called it phases, but something about seasons sounds more natural and makes me think everything will just naturally evolve into the next right step, like everything is as it should be. That being said, I feel like part of my current season involves uncertainty and rejection, and I could really do with that being over.

My second thought is how the same themes pop up for me over and over and over again in life. I wonder if it will always be that way. The longest running ones are pretty much about boys and weight. I also think there are still a lot of negative conversations going on in my head. Ughhh, lame.

I think it's good for me to have this blog and old journals as a reminder. In reading this, I was especially happy to see some of my more positive entries and the gratitude posts. At one point, I was enjoying the journey more than trying to get to the destination. Just reading about it doesn't make it instantly come back, but I can almost feel it or at least remember what it felt like. It gives me something to strive for again. As of now, I find myself saying, "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?" but just standing still, waiting for teleportation to hurry up and be invented.

Giving thanks on Thanksgiving

Today is supposed to be 5 minutes of giving thanks for what I already have. I already went in to some detail about how grateful I am for work and my mom. I'm also insanely thankful for all the wonderful people that are my friends and family. I feel so lucky that they love me and are in my life. I'm thankful to have a roof over my head, clothes on my back, (more than enough) food in my stomach, my health, a car to borrow from time to time. I'm thankful to be back in Austin, especially on Thanksgiving. It's my favorite holiday, and I missed it last year. I'm thankful for words of kindness and all the ways people and the Universe take care of me. I'm thankful for my cat. I love my Stinky Monkey. I'm thankful to be alive and for the journey that is my life.

Day 4

Ok, so today I'm supposed to write a letter of thanks for the "negative" things in my life. Honestly, this is hard for me. I'm great at recognizing how good "bad" things were in hindsight; not so good at recognizing them while they're happening. So, what I'll say is that I'm thankful to be alive, to have struggles to overcome. And I'm very thankful that they're really not so bad...if my "negatives" were compared to how hard you'd have to fight a fish, I'd be looking at reeling in a perch or small catfish rather than some folks who are up against a marlin. The difficulties of yesterday made me the woman I am today, and I'm sure the small difficulties of today will make me a stronger person in the future.

Day 3

Today I'm supposed to write about something I feel grateful for...

I've been especially thankful lately to be back at work in ISSS. I love, love, love the people I work with. Like, how many people get to go to work everyday and hang out with some of their best friends? How many people get to help others AND laugh and be ridiculous? Darcy sits next to me and alternates between whale sounds, clucking like a chicken, saying "Oh no you di'nt!", and singing songs that simultaneously make me laugh and drive me crazy. I'm really excited about the people who have come since I left too. I'm looking forward to getting to know them better. In addition to the great co-workers, I see students from around the world, some of whom are doing some really interesting research. We see weird ones, normal ones, fun ones, mean ones, ones you just want to put in your pocket, ones you hope you never see again. I love it!

I'm also incredibly thankful for my mom. She is sooooo good to me. I don't know if she really knows how good she is or how much I appreciate her. She has taken such good care of me...always really, but especially since I've been home. She doesn't make me feel burdensome being home. She cooks for me. I feel comfortable here. A few different people have offered to let me stay with them or in their house while they're gone to get some "time away," but each time I think, "Why would I want to leave the comfort of my home?"

Ok, I could go on, but it's late, so I'll stop. There are still 18 more days (and of course the rest of my days after) to express my gratitude.

The ABCs of Gratitude

Gratitude Challenge Day 2

I am grateful for...

A. All the adventures I've been on

B. Breakthrough

C. Chances to cut loose on the dance floor

D. Darcy and her D&Ms

E. Emergence

F. France and all the time I've gotten to spend there

G. Gui

H. Hi-speed internet

I. Interesting coworkers

J. Juan

K. Knowledge

L. Laughter

M. Mom and dad

N. New experiences

O. Opportunities to learn and grow

P. People who surround me

Q. Quality time with friends and family

R. Ridiculous amounts of patience and giving my mom has shown

S. SoodieSood

T. Traveling

U. Unexpected acts of kindness

V. Very changing weather in Texas in the fall

W. Working in ISSS

X. Xenophiles (awesome! I just had to look up words that start with x and found one I love!)

Y. You

Z. Zen

Gratitude Challenge Day 1

Ok, I know I haven't blogged in almost 3 months and there's lots to say, but not for now. I'm starting a 21-day gratitude challenge (http://www.gratitudechallenge.com/), and today is day 1. So, the first day's assignment is to express why I'm doing this challenge. The answer is I have a couple friends who are doing it, so I thought I'd do it with them. Plus, I figure it's always good to be grateful for the things in life. I already feel like I am pretty grateful in general, but it'll be good to really concentrate on it for the next 21 days. So, here we go...