My moodiness continues. Yesterday, I was great, and then my friend who I was supposed to go out with didn't feel like it, which wasn't really a big deal, but I didn't want to stay alone in my room anymore. I played cards with some of the kids in my dorm, but when we finished at 11 and I came back to my room, I was down again. Then I chatted with some friends online and was fine. Then I got woken up by a drunken phone call just as I was falling asleep at 2am and started thinking again and felt all funky and couldn't fall asleep until 4. Today I was fine all day.
I remembered today how truly miserable I was when I quit smoking before when I was about this far in. That's why I vowed I'd never start again, and at some point, I forgot. I'm putting it in writing now. Even though I wasn't smoking daily most of the last 9 months, this quitting business is miserable. I guess technically I don't know for a fact that's what it is, but I'm going to blame it on that because otherwise I just don't get it.
I didn't talk enough about the market yesterday. I love the market. It's one of the things that makes you want to live in France. I prefer going when I don't have anything specific to buy. There's a lot of activity and different stands with different prices, and that sometimes sends me into sensory overload when I'm looking for something specific. There are so many sights and sounds and smells. It's great!
Today I had coffee with my friend Norma. That was a nice little outing, and I got some laughs in, so that was good. Other than that, I did very little. I got a nice conversation in with my mom too. Anyway, it's nearing my bedtime, so I'm out.
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Two thoughts:
ReplyDeleteOne: Hooray for not smoking. As bad as it may feel, I'm glad you realize that it will only get worse if you go back to it. Smoking is one of those things for me that I just can't let myself do... because once I allow myself to have one I know it will only be a short train ride to chain smoking again.
Two: I'm really excited about visiting the markets with you. Remember how much fun we used to have at the grocery store? There's not so much of that anymore and I miss it (and I think Derek is about to kill me from having to tag along and put up with my nonsense). Yet another reason we were meant to LIVE IN THE SAME COUNTRY, if not city!
Love you and so proud! xoxo --soodie