I have smoked twice in the last 2 weeks, and I just cannot let that happen. My addict brain tells me that I should smoke a pack before really committing again, but I'm not listening to it. It's too hard to quit. I can't keep doing it over and over again.
I haven't been to the gym as much as I'd like, but I definitely am going more than before New Year's and am making an effort to walk more. Sometimes I just go for long walks by myself for fun.
I've been doing several of the things on my "fear" list but not all. Specifically, I haven't been looking for a job. I haven't gone out of my way to talk to strangers, but they've really started talking to me a lot, so I guess that kind of counts :) I still feel like I'm not doing lots of things that scare me, again, specifically with the job. I just kind of feel like it's going to fall into my lap. Hopefully that won't backfire. We'll see.
As for giving to others, I don't know. I think I'm doing ok. Again, I always could do more. It's good for me to go back and read the resolutions to be reminded of who I want to be. It at least keeps it present in my mind.
I'm back on the happy wagon. Really, considering how much uncertainty is in my life, I'm staying pretty calm. I feel good. Life is good. I feel eternally grateful to be surrounded by wonderful people and wonderful things. I love my life here, especially Julie and her friends. They're good people. They contribute to me living as if I were 21, but hey, it's fun.
Outside of the resolutions, not much to report. Jesse will be here in less than a week!! Hooray! I called the HR director today, and she said the woman who would be my future boss had my file and was supposed to call me for a second interview. Apparently she's out of town right now, so I should expect a call at the end of this week or beginning of next. That's good news, but it still leaves me in limbo. It's not a yes; it's not a no. On verra!
Oh, I want to tell the crab story. So, my friend Julien (who is the boyfriend of one of Julie's friends from high school. He is one of my favorites. I think he'd fit in will with the Nick hippie crowd) had been to the market and then went to a café where I ran into him. He left with a friend, and I stayed with another friend of mine. I got a message as I was leaving saying he'd left his dead crab he bought at the market by the table and asked me to get it for him. So, of course I did, but then I had to wait 15 minutes in a crowded area holding a dead crab. Unfortunately, its shell was kind of spiny, so I had to hold it palm up with its legs splayed out everywhere. The looks I got from people were amazing. At least 4 of them even made remarks about it. One asked if he could have a leg. One said it was weird to have a dead crab as a pet. It was pretty funny. I'm sure I looked even crazier as I laughed out loud to myself, holding my dead crab, standing alone. Hahaha
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